October is finally here! The days have found their own natural rhythm after the chaos of the back to school season. I’m finding myself calm as the seasons transition, and at the same time, I’m realizing just how quickly the holidays are approaching. Walk into any store at this point and, even though it’s still 90 degrees outside, it’s like strolling into a winter wonderland. Retailers have a great way of reminding us just how close the holidays really are! I’ll be the first to admit that I am not ready for the chaos of the holidays, especially when we just got through two back-to-back seasons of change – welcoming a baby and back to school.
Holidays also carry an additional sense of overwhelm, stress, and pressure for everything to be perfect! Can you relate? It’s no wonder that the holidays are not the “most wonderful time of the year” for many moms. Most often it means working overtime within the home to achieve a level of perfection over and above your normal standard – this, my friend, is the invisible load.
What is the invisible load?
The invisible load refers to the behind-the-scenes work that keeps the household running harmoniously and smoothly. It is also the work that often goes unnoticed (and therefore uncompensated) and is rarely valued. The toilet paper doesn’t just magically appear in the house; Mom restocks it. The invisible load consists of a wide range of responsibilities, from managing daily schedules and household supplies to providing emotional support and mediating conflicts. Women often shoulder more of the invisible work than men, and this hidden workload can leave mothers feeling under-appreciated and exhausted, and often results in burnout. Recognizing and addressing the invisible load is essential for achieving more equitable family dynamics and reducing stress and burnout.
There are three main components to the invisible load – physical labor, mental labor, and emotional labor.
Physical Labor includes the more noticeable tasks that produce visible results, such as folding clothes or cooking.
Mental Labor involves the planning and coordination of day-to-day household activities. This is the majority of the invisible load, encompassing the running list of to-dos and being the one who remembers where everything is at any given moment.
Emotional Labor entails managing your own feelings and the feelings of your children. Most moms are the default parent when it comes to providing comfort for their children. This is often the most challenging aspect for a parent’s emotional and mental well-being.
Now, let’s break down the invisible load of the holidays…
Managing the holidays is like carrying mental load on steroids. From Halloween and figuring out what each child wants to be, researching the best costume prices, finding time to purchase costumes, and scouting all the places to go trick-or-treating, haunted houses, and Halloween events; to planning pumpkin patch outfits (we all know how important it is to grab a cute picture while you’re visiting the patches), organizing fall outings, and celebrating (hosting, cooking for, and clearing up after) Thanksgiving. Then comes Christmas – knowing what each child wants for Christmas, buying the gifts, wrapping them, taking holiday photos, and ensuring that cards and messages are sent out on time. Long though this list may be, this is really just scratching the surface of what the invisible load of the holidays entails – and it doesn’t even include decorating, house cleaning, meal planning, and more.
This is the most stressful part of the year, filled not only with the conception, planning, and execution of major events within your immediate family, but also extended family gatherings.
If you’re exhausted just thinking about it, never fear! Here are some tips to lighten the load:
- Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on the load you usually carry during the holidays. What do these holiday activities mean to you and your family? Why are they important to you? Which ones don’t hold as much significance? What holiday responsibilities can you share with your significant other? How can redistributing the responsibilities improve your emotional and mental well-being?
- Give Yourself Permission: Allow yourself not to carry the entire load of the holidays. Free yourself from mom guilt and the pursuit of perfection.
- Initiate a “Distribution Discussion” with Your Partner: Start a conversation with your significant other about reevaluating how responsibilities are divided during the holiday season. Discuss how you can work together to share the invisible load more evenly. Share your reasons for wanting a more balanced approach, emphasizing the importance of reducing stress and enjoying the holidays together.
- Delegate Tasks to Your Children: Identify age-appropriate tasks your child can take on this holiday season. How can these tasks contribute to their growth and be incorporated into daily life, not just during the holidays? Encourage your kids to choose specific tasks they’d like to “own” for the season. This not only lightens your load but also empowers your children to actively participate in holiday preparations, fostering teamwork within the family.
Acknowledging the work you do daily allows you to make the invisible work visible, helping both you and your family value your time, energy, and efforts. Understanding how the invisible load of motherhood affects your emotional and mental well-being allows you to take control over the amount of labor you perform within the household.
Here at Alamo City Moms, we understand the time and effort it takes to find the best places to trick-or-treat, pumpkin patches, where to take pictures with Santa, or see Christmas lights. We want to help you reclaim your time and enjoy the festivities – so check in regularly for lists of festive activities, neat hacks, and handy guides this holiday season. We’ve got your back.
