I was browsing around on social media the other day and came across a cute video of a mother and her teen daughter comparing makeup trends from the mother’s teen years (the 90’s) and her daughter’s present-day makeup routine. In the video, the mother—who is my age—showed her flabbergasted teen daughter (who is my daughter’s age) all of the weird makeup trends that I also followed in my teens.
From the skinny eyebrows to the brown lip liner, I did all of that weird looking stuff, too. Then, the daughter showed her mom her makeup routine, which included primer, a little foundation, blush, gloss. She looked natural and beautiful and the mom in the video remarked how teens these days don’t have an “awkward” phase like we did.
As I watched this video, I felt a twinge of sadness. My teen daughter wants nothing to do with makeup. She couldn’t care less what clothing she wears—as long as it is comfortable and doesn’t call too much attention to her. Her style ranges from “tomboy” on a good day, to straight up “apathetic” on a bad day. Each day before school, she blindly chooses the closest clothing items (typically on her bedroom floor) and sometimes remembers to brush her hair and teeth. She is the polar opposite of who I was at that age.
I grew up in a home/world where looks were very important. My mother never left the house without makeup. When I was about 12 and expressed interest in trying out makeup, my mom trucked me over to the local mall where we visited one of the department store cosmetics counters and I fell head first into the world of makeup.
I’ve also always loved clothes. I enjoy shopping for clothes and I’ve been known to fret for weeks over choosing just the right thing to wear to an event. While no one would ever describe my style as “fancy,” I definitely have a signature look that manages to marry affordable, with kind of trendy, but also 40-something appropriate.
When I was pregnant and found out that I was having a daughter I knew that I didn’t want looks to play as important a role in her life as it had in mine. I wanted her to be unencumbered by those persistent thoughts of “How do I look?” So, in raising her, I never said a word when she wanted to wear her Halloween costume to the grocery store and I gritted my teeth when she chose to wear the same hot pink, ankle-length skirt to school everyday for a month (and even played t-ball in it).
Now, as she is growing up, I’m envious of the way that she manages to not think about what she’s wearing, what she’s going to wear, how her hair looks, or if her eyebrows are too crazy.
I’m not going to lie: it did sting to see that video of the mother and daughter trading makeup secrets. But, I realized that while I will probably never have the same experience with my own teen, she is comfortable in who she is, and if I want to connect with her, I only have to meet her where she is. A trip to the art supply store delights her and a trip to the pet store to pick out new tank accessories for her beloved pet reptile is the best.
Sure, it’s not what I thought being the mother to a teenage daughter would look like, but it’s encouraging to know that she is comfortable in her own skin and that I’ve given her a gift—the gift of being unburdened by appearance and I hope that this is a gift that will serve her well her whole life.
