Life moves quickly. You start with one kid, blink once, and suddenly there’s three of them running around. A simultaneously quick occurrence: those friends from college aren’t so close anymore. Maybe they’re in a different stage of life, they’ve moved away, or you’ve drifted apart. But all you know is that you’re suddenly left feeling very alone.
Sure you have your spouse, and they may even be your best friend, but it’s just not the same. Especially if you’re a stay at home mom. You’re alone with the kids all day while they go off to work to socialize. Your conversations consist of “The blue cup or the red one?”, “Don’t put your finger in there!”, and “PLEASE get dressed. Copy, paste, repeat. Life is different, and you need someone to commiserate with. Someone to get out of the house with, to complain to. Someone who is going through the same thing you are, and understands the good days and bad. A mom friend! But where to start?
As someone who was just recently new to a small, rural town, I’ve compiled a list of my top three ways to make quality mom friends who are in the same season of life as you.
1. Start Swiping
I’ve never swiped for boyfriends, but I have swiped for friends. And I’ve actually made some new best friends by doing so over the years! In both big cities, and small towns. You probably already know I’m talking about the Peanut app. Download it and get swiping. I won’t lie, it’s always kind of fun. It’s much easier to find someone who is really close-by in a big city like San Antonio, but much harder to find someone in a small town. And as a small town resident, I swiped for a long time to find a friend not only in my town, but that I actually liked too. So no matter where you live, don’t give up hope. Be open to everyone who aligns with your values, and just be yourself. Look for people who have kids around the same age as yours, or those with similar interests. And if you choose to meet up, do it safely!
2. Get Out of The House
You’re not going to meet anyone in your playroom. I mean maybe one of your kid’s made-up characters, but they don’t count. So go to the park, the library, a mommy and me group, or really anywhere that families hang out. Think out of the box! Check out the Landa Library for events and story times for all ages. A social outing will do you all some good, and sometimes that’s all it takes to turn your week around. Be friendly and chatty with other moms, and step out of your comfort zone if you have to. If you meet someone you like, don’t be afraid to ask for their number! If they’re out alone too, they may also be lacking in the friendship department.
I’m not joking when I say story time was the highlight of my week before I had any close friends. It was the social event of the week, for both my toddler and myself! (You should also check out Friday Storytime at The Twig Book Shop, located at The Pearl.) I loved talking to the other moms (and I’m not even very outgoing) and having a scheduled reason to get out of the house. Even with this fixed weekly date, eventually the chatty acquaintances I’d met weren’t cutting it – I needed a real mom friend.
3. Make Friends Where You Are
Making new friends doesn’t always have to involve downloading apps or attending tons of activities. You can make friends anywhere. All it takes is being open and friendly. And if you do hit it off with someone, don’t be afraid to ask for their number!
I met a girl at the local Farmer’s Market once, we exchanged numbers and shortly afterwards met up at the library. Maybe the neighbor a few houses down has kids your age and always says hello. Or even someone at church! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there – offer to exchange numbers and get together sometime. You never know where it might lead, and after all, nothing ventured nothing gained. The worst thing they can say is no, or you get together and don’t have fun.
It’s easy to join local Facebook groups and attend the events they arrange. The “Mommy and Me of SA – Playgroup” on Facebook does plenty of scheduled meet ups and playdates. There are homeschool groups, church groups, and so many more. I’ve found the moms to be so nice and welcoming, and meeting likeminded new friends has really turned my days around as a stay at home mom.
When you do start meeting people, don’t settle. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone you meet. Be choosy, and choose wisely! And don’t feel bad about it either. If it’s forced or just not working for you, step away. As an adult, you DO get to pick your friends. Your close ones at least. (Check out Erin’s article about breaking up with mom friends for more on this!)
Pick a friend who you’re compatible with, who you’re comfortable with, and above all, someone with good qualities and attributes you’re comfortable being around – and becoming! Because at the end of the day, we all (to a greater or lesser extent) pick up traits from other people. And those traits will impact you, your husband, and your kids. So get to swiping, or just get out of the house, and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Having kids is the perfect conversation starter, and it’s a great way to learn about someone too!
