There is nothing I like better than a day at the spa. Opportunities for a little me time are few and far between. My mother-in-law usually gives me a gift certificate for spa services so I know I can count on at least one day—OK, one hour—just for me. My birthday is in April, and I delay scheduling my day for a few months because I like to have something special to look forward to. The warm robe. The cozy lounge and lemon-infused water. The rhythmic, soft music. Just thinking about it puts me in a zen state of mind.
Inevitably the reality is not nearly as good as the fantasy. Something happens to me when I’m getting a massage. My mind goes into mommy manic mode because I’m trying so hard to enjoy my hour-long getaway. I simply can’t shut my mommy mind down. It’s as if I have to examine all the world’s idiosyncrasies in 3,600 seconds. Can you imagine? It’s a gargantuan assignment.
My mind on massage:
OK, that feels nice.
I’m so happy to be here although I am naked with a stranger. Awkward.
Wait, should I have gotten naked? I know undies are optional, but maybe not here? Why do I always second guess this? Wait, where did I put my underwear? On the chair, maybe? I hope I folded up them up in my jeans so nobody sees them.
Naked. I wonder what happened to Puck from The Real World? Didn’t he ride his bike around naked? He was weird. I bet he would have gone skinny dipping with that Courtney from The Bachelor. She did that naked thing too. Both of them were attention hogs.
Why am I thinking these things? I don’t even watch The Bachelor. Wonder what they are doing now. Note to self: add Puck and Courtney to my google list.
Google. What did we do before Google?! Seriously. I don’t remember spending much time at the library researching stuff. How did I figure anything out? I guess I used the phone book to look up addresses. I don’t think my kids have ever even seen a phone book. Did I have to draw a map for every location? I didn’t have a computer so there was no computer paper to scribble on. Maybe a legal pad? I love a fresh legal pad. Something about all those orderly lines.
Lines! I remember how fun it was to be the line leader. I never get to be the line leader anymore. Nobody gives me stickers either.
Focus, Lisa, focus. You’ve probably wasted half your massage thinking about the 1990s.
I wonder when she’s going to ask me to flip over. Hope she’s good with the sheet wrapping thing.
OK, it’s flip time. That was just a little breeze so I think things are all good.
Breeze. What’s with this weather? Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. T-shirts. Sweater. T-shirts. Sweater.
I wonder if Chico’s has any T-shirts? When did I get old enough to like Chico’s? ‘Cause I do like Chico’s. I wonder if it’s like when girls graduate from Justice to Hollister. I sure don’t miss those kitty ear headbands, but those those Hollister jeans are so tight. I need to find some cool high-waisted mom jeans for my muffin top.
You know, muffins aren’t nearly as good as donuts.
Mom jeans. Mom genes. I think I have good mom genes. I’m pretty sure I have a handle on things. Wait! Did I put lunch money in everyone’s account? Probably not. And I’ll never remember to check after I’m done here because I will be so relaxed.
Relax, Lisa! She’s starting on your feet. You know once she wraps those wet towels on them it’s just a matter of seconds until this is all over! When will I have another free minute for all this relaxing?
OK, time for a schedule check. Massage over soon. Back to the house for a quick shower. I can’t be all oily the rest of the day. I hate slipping around in my flip flops. Bus stop at 3:30 P.M. Get kids snacked up before ninja warrior class. Drop boys at ninjas. Pick up dear daughter at dance. Go back to pick up boys. Drop boys and Soph at home. Go pick up oldest from band. Back home. Homework. Dinner. Baths (maybe). Bed. Is it bedtime yet? All this relaxing has me exhausted.
Oh! We are done? Thank you. That was great. I’ll have to schedule another one very soon.
Calgon take me away!