Dear Diary…
5 weeks
I am writing this exactly five weeks into my longed-for pregnancy. Whoever said that infertility veterans should not complain about pregnancy symptoms is a jerk. You know I’m no whiner. You know I have a crazy pain tolerance—both physically and emotionally—but this is bringing me to my knees. I look like death warmed over while I try not to puke on my desk. At exactly 3:00 P.M. yesterday afternoon morning all-day sickness reared its ugly head and has not left my side since that moment.
A week ago I had a couple of brief episodes of nausea after having eaten a particularly heavy meal (read: I stuffed my face with chicken sliders and Nathan’s hot dogs at Yankee Stadium on vacation). This was what I experienced in my first pregnancy until it ended with a miscarriage around eight weeks. For sure I was going to skate by with the same occasional bouts of nausea that went away after an hour or so.
The joke is on me, Diary.
Do you think I can survive on pretzels and goldfish the next few months?
5 weeks, 3 days
Supposedly exercise will help relieve nausea. I keep reading this online. I attempted to resume my running routine today. Besides my hip injection sites hurting like hell, I had 20-pound ankle weights slowing me down. Not really, but you get the idea. You should have seen me, Diary. I had to stop five times in half the distance I would normally run. That part is true. Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” only pissed me off instead of motivating me through my earbuds. Shake THIS off, T. Swift. Everything I read online about running in early pregnancy says “listen to your body.” I listened, all right—and promptly returned to bed to resume my Netflix Mad Men marathon. Too bad I can’t smoke and drink my way through this pregnancy like Betty Draper.
5 weeks, 4 days
Meat makes me want to puke.
Bread makes me want to puke.
You make me want to puke.
I apologize, Diary. That was out of line. Hormones are making me crazy.
I am desperate enough to send my husband to the grocery store. Crazy indeed. (P.S. He got every item on the list correct!)
That is all.
5 weeks, 5 days
Diary, I’m still sicker than a dog, but I’m more rational today. Primarily because I had some spotting this morning, which reminded me how fragile and precious this pregnancy is to me. Today I take this eternal state of “about to puke” as a blessing; it is a security blanket and shield against miscarriage.
OK, that sentimental B.S. carried me until about noon. I broke down and called the nurse for meds. She prescribed Diclegis.
6 weeks
Diary, I’m basically on a liquid diet. I spend my days in bed Googling creative ways to get protein. Supposedly, if I eat eleventy-billion small meals a day it will get me out of this seventh circle of hell.
Alas, I have discovered this, too, is nonsense (for me, anyway): eight grams of protein = 15 minutes of relief. Do you know many grams of protein I will have to eat to stave off this plague?! If I eat that many grams of protein a day I will turn into a slab of meat. Moo!
My house is a wreck. Suitcases remain unpacked from a family vacation two weeks ago. My beautiful yard and garden are a wasteland. I’m so pathetic. I was not anticipating this level of misery. At. All.
6 weeks, 2 days
Guess what, Diary? The meds the doctor prescribed for me are the same ones that Kim Kardashian is taking for her morning sickness. I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, actually. But I do have a question for you:
Who wore it better: me or Kim K.?
Speaking of Instagram, I hate my Insta feed. Nothing but food, food, food. Barf. Barf. Barf.
6 weeks, 3 days
This was a week from hell, Diary. I am only writing you so much because I am home from work suffering nearly every day. I thought I would be so thrilled to be pregnant and basking in a pregnancy glow. The only thing I am basking in is the waft of toilet bowl cleaner.
To top it all off, I’m getting my first taste of mommy judgment on whether I should be taking meds. I thought this type of crap was supposed to start after you had the baby, not within the first few weeks of pregnancy. I’m taking FDA-approved, category A medicine, not drinking a fifth of Jack Daniel’s!
6 weeks, 4 days
Oh, dearest Diary…we had our first ultrasound today. It was glorious. I had planned on telling the doctor that the Diclegis simply isn’t cutting it, but then wimped out and decided I would suffer in silence. (OK, suffering in silence is something I am genetically unable to do—blame it on my mom.) I finally spoke up at the end of my appointment only with my husband’s prodding. But I didn’t even fill the prescription because I’m going to try to make the Diclegis work. I almost have it figured out with timing.
6 weeks, 6 days
Geez, Diary, I’m a complete zombie in the morning because I thought it was best to take Diclegis before bed. In hindsight this was stupid. But so is crying over nothing. Diary, it was so sad when JFK was shot in Mad Men. I cried my eyes out. And then RFK was shot. And MLK. I cried like I was surprised they were killed. Seriously. All this lying in bed watching Netflix is not good for me.
Going to break down and take the Zofran on top of the Diclegis like the doctor told me to.
7 weeks
Relief, Diary, relief! I finally feel like a normal person. Now that I am somewhat stable again (don’t laugh, Diary!), I reflect on how badly I was feeling and how much of the resistance was martyrdom versus mommy guilt versus mommy judgment. It’s senseless to suffer, just senseless. This was a good first lesson for me to tune out other well-meaning mommies and listen to my own instincts.
But—there’s always a “but”—Zofran is super-duper constipating. Like, stopped the plumbing after the first dose. Holy moly. Suppositories, anyone?
7 weeks, 4 days
Almost puked on myself in the car on the way to work. Naturally it hit me full force the very second I got onto the highway. There was nowhere to pull over, so I swerved on Loop 410 to get the Zofran out of my purse, found the bag of Goldfish to get something in my stomach, and reached for the Academy bag with a bathing suit in it to be returned. I now travel with HEB bags in my car. And the real bad news is that this double dose of Zofran means no poop for days. Ugh.
8 weeks, 4 days
Puked again, Diary. Same day as my eight-week ultrasound. Reassurance at its finest. Speaking of reassurance, I want to punch each person who tells me, “You know being this sick is a good sign.” Yes, I know. Now excuse me while I go puke. Again.
9 weeks
I feel relief around the corner even though the nausea is ever-changing and constantly morphing into a different time of day. Each time I think I’ve got it managed, it changes on me. Now we are on to true “morning” sickness. It’s like a three-headed monster: as soon as I chop one head off and conquer it, another comes my way. I’m starting to wonder if this amount of trouble is any indication of my sweet little angel’s forthcoming behavior. Have you seen any research on this, Diary? I’m going to go look that up.
9 weeks, 2 days
There was no relief around the corner. Bad day. Very bad day. Back to all day horrible.
9 weeks, 3 days
Another bad day. Misery. And I just finished the series finale of Mad Men, and sorry I made the joke I did about Betty Draper smoking a few weeks ago.
10 weeks
Today was a great milestone, Diary! I am 10 weeks pregnant! I have never made it this far in a pregnancy before. I have also never felt this awful before. Pretty sure I’ve moved down a circle in hell, too. Every time I tell myself that this will be over soon with my first trimester, I run into a joyous woman who tells me she was this sick her entire freaking pregnancy. Keep that yourself, people! Such buzzkills, Diary.
I am on a countdown to my second trimester.
I am convinced it will be a magical transformation and I will feel good again.
I will not gag to the point of puking with each teeth-brushing.
I will not have to eat a bean-and-cheese taco at midnight to keep from puking (but I just might do it anyway!).
I will not make so many loud noises while trying to poop that the dogs will come running in to make sure I am OK.
Yes, I am convinced my second trimester will be glorious and filled with fairy dust, sugarplum dreams, and the joy of eating tacos.
To be continued, Diary!
Good luck! I hope your pregnancy get easier. Mine definitely did not. It’s nice to know I’m not alone though! I was sick as a dog and had every single symptom in the book for the entire pregnancy including all-day sickness and horrible swelling. Zofran was my lifesaver! The only thing that made me feel even semi functional. I wish I had some advice to offer, but nothing I tried worked. 🙁 Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. I really hope you get some relief soon, but if not, the time really does fly by and before you know it you will be holding your beautiful baby in your arms and it will all be worth it. Good luck and best wishes with your pregnancy!
Hang in there momma! I could have written that diary a few short months ago. I was sick every single day until week 15. I took zofran and (despite my mother’s admonishment and the ambulance chasin commercials) my baby turned out fine. It will get better! And if it doesn’t, it’ll be over soon enough and your little one will make it all worth it. Ginger didn’t do a darn thing for me, but Preggie Pops and lemon drops got me through (at least until the zofran kicked in). Good luck! And don’t let others get you down. You know what’s best for you and your baby, so trust yourself!
I am right there with you. I’m 11 weeks and I am convinced that all the websites that are telling me that I should feel more energetic and have less nausea are mocking me personally. Because this week it’s only getting worse. I am currently in my fifth phase of nausea, but my particular type through all of them has been that I just dry heave all day. I used fertility meds to get our first and sailed through that pregnancy. I thought hey, I’m pretty good at being pregnant, no problem! This one is laughing at the old me. I hope we both get better soon.
I can sympathize with you. I would pray to have one day where I felt normal. I hope you get feeling better and your pregnancy goes full term. I’m sure you’ve gotten all kinds of advice on morning sickness, so here’s one more. I chewed cinnamon flavored gum and it helped a little bit.
I completely feel your pain. I type this as my little bundle lay on my chest only 5 days old. I threw EVERY DAY of my pregnancy. It got bearable around week 17 for me, but like I said, I threw up every day. I threw up while in labor. My first trimester they started me on a zofran pump and I also took the Diglesis or however you spell it. Vomited no matter what.
It is the worst feeling. I had natural childbirth and clan whole-heartedly say I’d rather pain over being neaseated any day!
BUT IT IS ALL WORTH IT! just remember that there is an end to it! As soon as I delivered I felt like a different person!
Good luck and just keep counting down the days until your littl bundle arrives.
I’m sure you know this, but just in case- ginger is king. I ate tons of blue bell (ironic I know, why cut soft cheeses when you can get listeria ice cream?) and ginger snaps and ginger schwells cause it has the good ginger . I would have done the candys etc but I hate ginger so snaps and soda were it. saltines a little but mostly to soak up the soda. I cleaned my diet up in the second trimester but there wasn’t much I could keep down in the first so my doc authorized any and all calories. I’ve heard varying degrees of success with lemon lime drinks but then heartburn – eek. Hang in there! It will get better, and like you said, at least you can feel him/her! (And take prenatals before bed, the morning is rough)
Aw, you poor thing! Hang it there. I hope your 2nd trimester is nothing but rainbow unicorns! (Also, this is why my doc told me to keep a towel in my car.) I used to feel like my stomach was inside out until about 10:30 every morning when I had my son.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!! I never understood how bad the “morning” sickness could get until my second child – I spent 2 months literally lying on the floor moaning about how sick I felt while attempting to play with my daughter and feeling like a terrible mother!
It will get better though and you will forget about it (hopefully). Good luck!!!
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY!!! That’s so exciting for you!
Your morning sickness should ease up once cooler weather comes (it will come, right? I’m still new to SA). In the meantime, don’t worry about meals but constant snacking. Find what works for you & stock up. For me that was anything sour. I would wake up & grab a couple of Sour Patch Kids before even rolling out of bed. I carried Sour Gummy Worms, AirHead Extreme Sour Belts, Sour Punch Straws, & Wheat Chex cereal everywhere I went. Eat a handful every 10 minutes & don’t worry about the calories at this point. My doctor recommended eating whatever I was able to just not to lose weight (lost 15 pounds my first time before packing on 45). You WILL survive!!!
Dear Bridget,
People who say they enjoy every minute of their pregnancies are liars.
And as soon as this sweet baby is in your arms you’ll forget every second of misery. Otherwise, no one would have more than one child!
Keep up the good work momma!
Love,
Your Diary