My very first Thanksgiving in San Antonio was one I will never forget. I was newly pregnant, and new to SA. I knew no one except my husband. I was extremely depressed, isolated and missing my family and friends. I vowed to never, ever spend a holiday like that ever again.
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays–not the celebration of genocide, but a time to gather with my family and eat good food. My family has always had big gatherings for Thanksgiving, filled with great food and tons of games. It is a good time each and every year.
But once I moved here to San Antonio and started my own family, my definition of family expanded to include all of the amazing friends who became chosen family. My community that I’ve built to support my children is a strong one, and I am forever grateful for that. Of course it includes so many family members but it also includes all the lovely people we’ve met over the years since coming here.
In experiencing that super lonely Thanksgiving, I began plotting what an alternative Thanksgiving could look like. Realistically, we wouldn’t be able to fly home for Thanksgiving (my husband and I are from different states). It’s such a short break, and the expensive flight wouldn’t be worth it for such a short time. As a student, Thanksgiving is also usually the point in the semester right before the avalanche of final exams and papers start. This means that a trip to visit either of our families would be spent juggling spending time with everyone while also making sure to not fall behind on my work. In short, Thanksgiving will always be a stressful time for us, so it’s easier to stay home.
Enter Friendsgiving. The beauty of Friendsgiving is that there are no limits to who can attend. It’s much less low stakes than a traditional Thanksgiving. (Covid, of course, is changing every aspect of the holidays and we won’t be able to have Friendsgiving this year.) But in Friendsgivings past, I’ve invited both lifelong friends and those who I knew were celebrating alone. I never, ever want anyone to feel that isolation and loneliness that I felt during that first Thanksgiving. Having such an eclectic mix of people at the table has made for amazing conversations and fun times. What Friendsgiving has ultimately shown me is that there is room in my heart (and home) for so many people. Even when I am away from my family, I can still be surrounded by so much love. I’ve had friends fly in to spend a few days with us. I’ve had friends who came to my house for the first time.
This year will look different. It will be much more quiet. I am hopeful that we’ll be able to continue Friendsgiving next year when it is safe. Everyone is Zoomed out, but Friendsgiving could also take a virtual turn. Either way, what I love the most about Friendsgiving is the recognition that families come in all shapes and sizes. I love making traditions with old and new friends. As the weather gets cooler and we prepare to spend more time indoors, a virtual Friendsgiving will be a perfect reminder to cherish and appreciate the loved ones that we have in our lives. Happy Friendsgiving, y’all!
