My husband and I are at an impasse. It’s a conversation that we have on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Do we have a third or do we stick with two…kids, that is?
I always thought I would be happy with two kids. It seemed to make sense to me. You have man-on-man defense. Square tables seat four people. Unless you drive a suburban or van, most cars comfortably seat four. When traveling as a family, each parent can be seated next to one child on a plane. On roller-coaster rides, no one has to be the kid that gets stuck on the row by themselves. Two’s company, three’s crowd. Yes, it seems the world is made for families of four.
I remember when we found out our second was a boy and we already had a little girl, most people’s reaction was “Oh, lucky you! You can be done,” implying that had we continued to have girls, we would continue to have children. Honestly knew in my heart that I would have been happy with a boy or a girl. Maybe it was because our #1 was born with a life threatening birth defect, that she spent months in the NICU before we could take her home, that she went through countless numbers of doctors’ appointments, physical therapy and surgery during her first year of life. I didn’t care what #2 was – I wanted healthy. And don’t get me wrong, I love being a boy mom and a girl mom but one thing that I did quickly begin to realize took me totally by surprise – I started to want more than just two.
But let me explain something. This isn’t me getting “baby fever” since my baby boy is now a full fledged toddler. I like babies and all. Heck, I’ve had two of them but can I be brutally honest? I don’t love babies. I could kinda do without the newborn stage. I really like a full night’s sleep and I think my husband would agree with me that I am a much nicer person when I function on 6-8 hours. I’m a big advocate of breastfeeding, but I’m not a big fan. The thought of breast pumps, nursing covers and boobs that feel like they are going to explode because you need to feed your baby every 3 hours makes me cringe. Sorry to all you expectant moms out there – I ain’t gonna sugarcoat it honey. Give me a one year old any day of the week- I’ll be good to go!
The reason three sounds so appealing is later in life – like past the baby stage. I love my relationship with my brother, as well as my steps and my halves (siblings that is, two of each). I love the thought of five bodies at the dinner table as my kids grow up. I love coming home to the holidays with a house full of activity and excitement. My husband isn’t so convinced. Where I see Christmas cards of smiling faces, he sees college tuitions and weddings to pay for. I see laughter filling my home and he sees his wife, already strung thin from his travel schedule, being pulled in more directions by adding another body.
I’ve actually had women tell me to stop taking my birth control without telling my husband because he would just get use to the idea once I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I’m just about the world’s worst liar so that wouldn’t fly in our household. Looks like I’ll just have to keep pleading my case for another mouth to feed, so we’ll see if the Good Lord has it in the cards for us.
So I’d like to know, how do you know when you are done having babies? Have you reached that “perfect number” for your family yet?
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