What I’m about to discuss feels almost blasphemous, like I’m revealing some piece of me that will make other women clutch their pearls or shake their heads when they see me with my army of little people. I have been keeping a secret—albeit rather badly and awkwardly—for the past six years. Here it is: I don’t like kids.
I love, enjoy, and cherish my kids, but please don’t ask me to hold your baby.
Fact: I have a larger-than-average family. Somehow this translates to “she must looove babies and kids,” which has resulted in people walking into a room and just dropping a baby into my arms before my face even has time to give away my true feelings. What’s a person to do? “Sorry, I don’t want to hold your baby” is not something moms are used to hearing bluntly. I know that mine are experienced baby-holding and baby-rocking arms, but that does NOT mean I’m a baby-crazed lady who gets a high from the smell of a newborn baby’s head. If I’m meeting your child for the first time, yeah, I probably want to hold that tiny little bundle. I love that little tree frog baby stage. Newborns are seriously amazing! However, unless I actually ask or reach out to hold your babe, I’m good. I’ve had six consecutive years of babies, diapers, and crying. I have at least another two years left of that, and when one of my children doesn’t need constant attention, then I promise I don’t miss the neediness. I like having two free hands; don’t drop a baby in them, please.
Does this mean I won’t lend a hand to a mom who needs to fix herself a plate or go to the bathroom alone? Of course not. I will gladly hold your baby so you can taste a moment of freedom or do a ridiculously normal thing. And, I never assume that someone wants to hold my babies or watch my kids, so I promise you won’t be on the receiving end of a sudden infant in your arms if I have anything to do with it.
I feel especially bonded to several little kids in my life: kids of lifelong friends and kids whose parents are part of my “village.” I will take those crying toddlers and do my best to distract and entertain them so that their parents can have a moment to chill. I will babysit so that my dear friends can go on a date. I will change their diapers, feed them all the good things, and enjoy seeing their personalities emerge as I spend some time with them.
However, some people just instantly connect with kids and communicate easily on their level with them. I am not one of these people. Put me in a room of random children, and I actually panic a little. I’m simply not one a person who instinctively wants to play with all the kids and hold all the babies. Organize a game for small children? Forget it! My kids have painted more with my stupidly expensive acrylics on my nice canvases than with actual “kid” paints because I have no idea how to put together a kid game or craft. Rallying a group of children to join in an activity together? Well, the thought of attempting this makes me laugh out loud. I’m primarily looking at my teacher friends out there. You are on another level as far as knowing how a kid’s brain makes connections and processes things. I just talk to my kids like they’re adults, and if I’m watching your kids I will probably do the same with them. That’s my default. I didn’t baby talk to my own kids, and I skipped the baby sign language all together. My tone of voice is exactly the same whether I’m taking to an eight-month-old or a customer service representative. I don’t know how to do that high-pitched gentle voice most people use when talking to little kids. And I admit that I have no idea how to interpret baby sign language, so if your kid signs something to me I will most likely not know what he/she is trying to communicate. But you better believe I will throw all the snacks, drinks, toys, and possibilities out there until I guess correctly.
By now you’re either shaking your head or agreeing out loud with me. I know many people are probably thinking, If you don’t like children, why did you have so many kids?!? Well, guess what? Kids grow up. I know you don’t need this reminder, but kids are small only for a short amount of time. My ultimate goal is to raise amazing adults who will have wonderful relationships with their siblings and family members. I know it’s possible because I have seen it done. They will live the majority of their life as adults, and I’m putting in the work now to make sure that those later years are enjoyable for all of us.
100% agree. I like and love my own kid. But I’m not a kid person in general, and being around a lot of other small children makes me anxious.
Amen! I’m glad you’ll hold my babies 💛