Breaking My Pre-Mommy Rules

premommyRemember those days when you would sleep until 9am on Saturday?  When your meals with your husband consisted of actual conversation instead of making sure sippy cups weren’t being hurled at your head?  Or when a co-worker stopped by your desk to see if you wanted to grab a drink after work and, without hesitation or calling a babysitter, you could say “Sure!”?  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade those days for the world knowing the joy of being a mom…okay, maybe I would at 6:00pm on a Tuesday when the hubs is out-of-town, I have no clue what we are eating for dinner, one kid has skipped a nap and the other is teething and we are in full down nuclear meltdown at my house, but I digress.

But there are times when I think back to those pre-baby days, especially those when I was pregnant, and I have to laugh at my 29 year-old-self.  You see, I had rules.  And I was judgmental.  If I’m being honest, I was kind of the queen of judgement. I would pass mothers of young children in the grocery store and think, “Oh, when I’m a mom, I will NEVER do that.”  My husband and I would go out to eat for a nice dinner and we’d get seated next to that couple out with their baby.  We would quietly request the table on the opposite side of the restaurant.  Or I would walk into a friend’s house (friends that had preceded me in motherhood) only to roll my eyes and scoff that her living room had been turned into a showroom for Babies R Us.  Yes, I wore my crown proudly and thought, “When I’m a mother…..”

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  So let’s take a look back at “those things” I would have never done before my little munchkins came into my world:

I will never let my children eat food in my car.  My car will remain clean and spotless.

Have you met my son?  He’s eighteen months old and HATES his car seat.  I’m serious.  HATES it.  Strap that kid in and you would think he had been put in a torture chamber.  Do you know what he doesn’t hate?  Food.  He goes into the car seat and out come the treats – Kashi bars, apple sauce, peanut butter crackers, Cheerios.  Ugh, Cheerios.  I think there are Cheerios in every crevice of my vehicle.  Not to mention the fruit and veggie pouch that was flung across the backseat, leaving a trail of purified carrots and blueberries ALL OVER my car seats and windows and has yet to be wiped clean.  Awesome.  These days, my car is constantly trashed.

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My children will never misbehave in a store.  Can’t those women control their children for 30 minutes?

The answer to this question is no.  Sometimes you can’t control your kids for 30 minutes.  There have been times that I have been lured into attempting to shop with my children.  I’m all, “Oh, I can just slip into Old Navy for 10 minutes.”  Really?  Because we all know that Old Navy pants either fit you great or have a seam that oddly gives you a front, vagina wedgie.  In other words, you have to try their clothes on.

I start off thinking, “I just need to grab the boy a set of pj’s” but then I walk into Old Navy and my shopping ADHD kicks into effect.  “Pjs, pjs, pjs….oh, cute fall dress….pjs, pjs, pjs….printed Rockstar jeans!….pjs, pjs, pjs…look, fun sunglasses and accessories…pjs, pjs, pjs….I’ve been needing a faux leather jacket…pjs, pjs, pjs….and they have a matching mini jacket for the girl….oh, right pjs, pjs, pjs.”  Next thing I know I’ve got myself shoved in an uber small dressing room trying on clothes with a shopping cart brimming over with $12 items, two screaming kids and me, sweating in a pair of pants that are giving me a front, vagina wedgie.  Ten minutes have turned into 51 minutes and my children are climbing the walls.  And don’t even get me started on all of the junk they stick right by the check out counter.  Yes, my children have been known to pull entire shelves of items down.

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My children will never wear pull-ups.  They will be potty-trained in three days and life will be lovely.

If you’d ever like to hear my rehash of potty training, you can do so here.  But in short, potty training sucks and my child wore pull-ups for months after TWO failed attempts at potty training.  Not only that, she wore Cinderella pull-ups for those of you that know my beef with Disney Princesses.  There is a strong possibility that when my son reaches potty-training age, he will spend an automatic, mother-inflicted stint in pull-ups.  I now believe in the power of the pull-up.

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I don’t understand how people can not feed their children vegetables.  My children will eat veggies every day.

This one makes me laugh out loud.  Believe me, I try at almost every meal and they typically end up down the disposal.  I’ve tried hiding veggies in other foods.  I’ve tried baking them into spaghetti or chicken pot pie.  I’ve given ranch, ketchup, honey, apple sauce and all other liquid forms for dipping sauce.  But most of the time, one of my children is on a veggie strike.  Again, (honesty people, we’re in the circle of trust) some days I’m happy when their meal has consisted of 14 blueberries dipped in ketchup and a graham cracker.

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So next time you are feeling that mommy-guilt of those pre-mommy rules that came crashing down after you had little munchkins living with you, just come sit next to me.  My crown now resides under the Sun Chips wrapper on the floor of my car.[hr]

Don’t forget to purchase tickets to our Moms Night Out event on September 19!  You can purchase your tickets here or try your luck and enter our giveaway for two tickets to the event here.  We have a great night planned so come join us!

Brooke
Brooke graduated high school from right here in San Antonio. After twelve years of living everywhere from Colorado to Greece, London to Atlanta, she and her husband have made San Antonio home and have become parents to their daughter and son. Brooke loves finding undiscovered activities around the city and dragging her kids along! She is a runner, an amateur cook that loves trying out San Antonio’s growing culinary scene and is actively involved in non-profit organizations in San Antonio.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hahah this is so true! I’ve eaten many of my “my child will/will not…” words after becoming a mom.

    I now laugh when I hear other people’s thoughts on their future with kids..you just don’t know!!

  2. Yes! You have just accurately described nearly every facet of our daily life! And the Old Navy trip – SO TRUE! We never get in and out of there in less than 45 minutes. The picture cracked me up too. Cora is enthralled with those mannequins in the front entrance! (Don’t even get me started on snacks all over the car…it’s the reason our 2006 minivan isn’t going anywhere anytime soon! We’re just going to trash that sucker, no guilt involved.)

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