I’m not sure when exactly it happened; but when my world turned upside down last year, I found myself weeding out the friendships in my life that I no longer needed to help me survive each day as a wife and a mother. Although it may sound incredibly selfish, I started to put the very little energy I had left at the end of the day into nurturing only the friendships I found to be most supportive and meaningful to my journey in life. I wasn’t interested in being social; I simply needed friends with listening ears, compassionate hearts, and words to encourage me each day.
I began to reflect on my friendships and how they had evolved over the past year, and I realized how diverse my small group of friends really is. Each one of my friends is entirely different, and all have endured various life experiences—gay, straight, married, divorced, single, one child, or five children. Some of them have been friends of mine for as long as I can remember, while others just a few short months. For one reason or another, I have needed each one of them and relied heavily on their wisdom and guidance during many moments in my life. I couldn’t help but wonder how the diversity among my friends has contributed to the person I have become, and what it is about each friend that I seem to gravitate toward the most. I’ve put together a small list of some of my favorite types of friends from all walks of life and how each of them has made an impact on my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined.
#Single—Ahhh, how I love the beauty of social media and the ability to live vicariously through my single friends! I “like” their photos—all 500 of them neatly organized into a titled album—late at night after a long day. My mind slowly drifts away as I dream of the single life the beach with my other single friends as we sip drinks and bask in the sunlight…but then the baby starts screaming in the other room, and my reality sets in. Don’t get me wrong: I love when my single friends share photos of every vacation, every drink, and every concert front and center. The jealousy is certainly there; but I love them! My single friends keep me fresh and hip. They remind me to have a little fun every once in a while and not take life too seriously.
No Kids, Two Dogs—This category is in honor of one of my best friends, Susan. She and her husband, Joe, have two of the sweetest four-legged children around; and while Susan may not be a mother to any human children, she is one of the most maternal and compassionate people I know. She is always the first person to check in and ask how I am doing. She allows me to talk about something unrelated to diapers or pre-K, and it’s magical. We try to get together for dinner once or twice a month, and it reminds me that I actually can be a cool human being, I look better with makeup, and that it is really, really nice to be able to eat, chew, and swallow my food and actually taste what I am eating (what a concept!). She listens with her heart open and provides support in whatever way possible. She loves everyone unconditionally, and at the end of the day she would do literally anything for her friends. As a mother of two young children, I barely ever return phone calls, texts, or emails in a timely fashion. I often feel as though I am not a good friend simply because of my lack of communication with the outside world. When you have a friend with no children, she reminds you that friendships take work…but they’re so worth it.
Greater Than Four—Some of my favorite people in this world are those with four or more children. If you have yet to find a friend with four or more children, stop what you’re doing—in fact, stop reading this!—and get to work! Seriously, seek them out and you will not be disappointed. I imagine my friends in this category would laugh at me for saying this, and I’m certain they have no idea how much I treasure their wisdom, but friends with four or more kids have seen, heard, and experienced nearly every possible life experience there is. When I am lucky enough to get some time in person or on the phone with my dear friend Cori (a mom of four), I am always in awe of how she literally has an answer for any question I could ever ask her. She always keeps me grounded and makes me laugh. I am constantly amazed by her calm in the midst of the hurricane of children surrounding her. One of the most important gifts that I have witnessed with Cori is her unending love and compassion for her husband. She doesn’t just speak love, she shows love, every single day. Her children see their love for one another, and that, in my opinion, is powerful.
Cori listens so intently (despite the fact that her mind must be racing in a billion directions); and she is always so quick to ask me for updates about something I thought she would have long forgotten. Seriously, how do moms of many kids remember so much? Maybe they’re given some extra-strength, ever-lasting brain cells as a gift when they acquire their fourth child? Friends with four or more children keep it real and remind us that, among other things, quite frankly we’re not really as tired as we think we are. They are some of the funniest, most humble, hard-working, and honest people I am honored to know, and they are some of the greatest friends you never knew you needed.
Twenty Years Your Senior—Over the past year an acquaintance, who also happens to be twenty years my senior, has become one of my dear friends. Her friendship has made me realize the value of the wisdom and beauty that comes with age. She has seen, done, and heard it all. A refreshing change from our digital world, she never misses an opportunity to send a hand-written note or chat over the phone. She carries herself so gracefully in spite of so many challenges she has faced as a wife and a mother. I ask her the tough questions, and I sit back and listen. As a once-young mother, she constantly reminds me to slow down and listen to my children, love on my husband, and remember the dishes can always wait. She always says, “Family and good friends are the heartbeat of our lives, and we must treasure every minute with them.” I couldn’t agree with her more.
What is it about your friendships that you treasure most? Surround yourself with those who give you joy and enrich your life. Friendships can last a lifetime, and life is far too short to not be spent with good friends. To all of my darling friends, I love you in more ways than I could list above, and my life just wouldn’t be the same without you!
Meeting new friends can be tough, but the joy of connecting and growing with friends is priceless. If you are new to our city and looking to meet other moms, or even if San Antonio has always been home and you’re simply looking for a little “mommy time,” the Alamo City Moms Blog team has got you covered. I would encourage you to attend one of our many events throughout the year, where you can meet moms (from some of the fabulous groups listed above), enjoy a little conversation, and who knows? Maybe even begin a fabulous friendship of your own!
