1 in 5 Minds :: Matt’s Story

OneinFiveMattHindsight is 20-20.  That’s the saying that my wife and my journey with our son brings to my mind vividly clear.  I now look clearly back to 1997 when we first began to notice that our son was special.  We were years from understanding that one in five children have mental illness. The next 16 years have been a roller coaster ride of great hardship, miracles and soul searching to attempt to understand what our son deals with every day.  My wife and I hope reading about our journey in the next paragraphs will bring some clarity to your journey.

What is wrong with this kid?  That’s what we kept thinking back in 1997 when Blake (not his real name) would not stop crying.  My wife was the baby expert having grown up in a large family and helped out with numerous nieces and nephews but even she was not prepared for this.  He would cry for hours at a time without stopping.  The pediatrician said that Blake was a colicky baby.  It seemed the only thing that would sooth him was for my wife to get in the bath with him and hold him against her while the water was running.  We tried breastfeeding, then formula, then different types of formula all to no avail.  We questioned ourselves constantly with wondering what we were doing wrong.

As time went by and Blake grew there were further signs something about him was special.  Just a trip to the nursery at church showed that Blake took separation anxiety to a whole new level.  Putting him to bed at night would lead to hours of crying.  Friends and family all pointed out that he was a “strong willed child” and just needed more determination from us as parents.  While the years have shown us he definitely is “strong willed” they have also taught us that just determination from us as parents would simply not be enough.

Blake has always been a very gifted athlete.  Even at three years old he could hit a ball an amazing distance.  Of course when he turned 4 I signed him up for our first baseball league where I would coach.  It was a much smaller field and the game was played with a softball size soft ball.  Blake loved going to practice and was doing fantastic but when it came time for his first game his specialness was on clear display.  He was terrified to play in the game to the point that he completely refused to go out onto the field.  Using the “determination” I spoke about above, I dragged him into the field to force him to play.  He cried the entire time and continued to try to run away.  We were completely at a loss to understand our boy.

Kindergarten finally started and, while there was a great deal of separation anxiety, with the help of his school we finally felt like things were getting better.  Then April 30, 2004 “it” happened.  That is the day I took Blake to the hospital after he and his younger brother had bumped each other on the trampoline two days earlier.  Blake had bumped the back of his left knee and cried most of both nights.  With the assumption that he had possibly broken his leg we made the trip to the ER.  An X-ray was quickly taken and with 15 minutes the doctor was telling me that my son has some type of cancer.  The cancer was identified as Ewings Sarcoma and his treatment would take the next 10 months and include 14 rounds of chemotherapy and an above knee amputation of his left leg.

Blake’s journey with cancer was so different from the other issues that he had struggled with over the years.  As parents we no longer heard how it was somehow our parenting skills that were responsible for his behavior.  While we don’t understand why cancer happens, we do generally agree on how to treat it.  Friends and family began to associate Blake’s anxiety and behavior issues with his battle with cancer and amputation, not a strong willed kid with bad parents.   

When he entered middle school, his success at defeating cancer was hit with the hard reality that he was battling a much larger illness that was much more difficult to understand.  Blake so feared going to school that he would try to exit the car as we were driving to school to avoid going.  He would hide in the bathroom at school until school staff would be called and then he would become violent as they would try to remove him.

As parents we were at a loss.  For cancer there was an obvious plan on how to proceed and doctors to contact but now we didn’t know where to turn.  Finally, a mental health worker in our church recommended a mental health organization in our town that dealt specifically with children and teens.  It was there that he was first diagnosed with “Mood Disorder NOS and PTSD” we were surprisingly stunned.  Even after all those years of seeing the symptoms it was shocking to us that our son had a mental illness.  That was something that happened to other people.  Not to a family like ours.

The treatment that Blake and our family received over the next 4 years have brought us to the place of hope we are at today.  He has just finished his freshman year of high school where he passed all his classes and had NO issues with going to school.  He made the varsity golf team and has plans to attend college to be a physical therapist.  Unlike his battle with cancer where the goal was to be “cancer-free”, Blake’s battle with mental illness will always be part of his life.  Learning that one in five children has mental illness brings clarity to our journey and with clarity comes understanding and with understanding comes hope.  

We hope that reading about our journey brings you hope today.


matt color 1Buckeye by birth and Texan by choice is his motto. Matt grew up in a small factory town in Southern Ohio called Ironton. He received his BA in Business and Economics from Mount Vernon Nazarene University in 1990. Shortly afterward, Matt married his dream girl to whom he has been happily married since 1990. After working for Ashland Oil Company as an Area Supervisor he felt God tugging at his heart towards full-time ministry. Matt graduated with his MDIV from Nazarene Theological Seminary in 1994 and immediately moved to Dallas, Texas where he served 8 years as Youth Pastor. He has served as Senior Pastor of San Antonio First Church of the Nazarene since 2002.

Matt and Kim have three boys and one girl. An interesting fact that his children love to point out is that they are all Texans. His hobbies include ranching, anything his kids are involved in and sports.

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1 COMMENT

  1. Matt, it’s courageous of you to share your story and your son’s story and how you worked with, and fought for, your son. Sharing this will help many people. Thank you for your honesty. I’m so glad you found hope and healing for your child.

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