The Pearl: a former brewery that has been refurbished into a culinary and cultural destination, with lots of restaurants, shops, activities, events, and even a hotel and spa. (“Have friends coming in from out of town? Go to the Pearl. Need a gift? Go to the Pearl. Need a place for the kids to run around? Go to the Pearl. Date night? The Pearl!”)
H-E-B: a grocery store chain headquartered in San Antonio that dominates the local marketplace. Furthermore, there are several types of H-E-B’s:
- Gucci B: a really nice H-E-B, usually an H-E-B Plus or a store containing a cafe
- Ghetto B: an H-E-B that is outdated and needs to be remodeled to keep up with the Gucci Bs
- The Queen B: Central Market, H-E-B’s luxury line. A good place to buy organic lemonade (I threw in a Beyoncé ref, y’all!).
Puro San Antonio: the literal translation is “pure San Antonio”; used to identify something that truly embodies the spirit or culture of the city (e.g., “That guy enjoying a Big Red and barbacoa while sporting a Spurs’ shirt is totally Puro San Antonio”).
Bluebonnet season: the State Flower of Texas usually is in peak season in late March or early April, weather depending (e.g., “Yes, we are buying matching shirts because it’s bluebonnet season and we need to take the obligatory family group photo”).
Monarch butterflies: gorgeous orange and black butterflies that migrate through San Antonio around October (e.g., “Why am I crying? Because on the drive home I killed so many monarch butterflies with my car. Why can’t they fly higher?!”).
Waterburger, Bill’s, and TC’s: three San Antonio-based fast-food chains at which I can feed my whole family. Proper names are Whataburger, Bill Miller’s Bar-B-Q, and Taco Cabana.
#GoSpursGo: Yes, our hometown heros have five NBA Championships under their belts, so this hashtag is super popular during basketball season. However, during off season, the Spurs often provide time and support at local camps and community centers. So if you have a chance to sign up your kid for one of these, do it. But remember: be cool. Don’t stare directly and then creeper fangirl out from a distance.
The big boots: Giant decorative cowboy boots located outside North Star Mall.
“Show me your shoes!”: This has nothing to do with designer shoes. You scream this to Fiesta queens and then they lift their dresses slightly to show you their hand-decorated flip flops or cowboy boots (e.g., “Hey Miss Fiesta, show me your shoes!”)
“Anything for Selenas”: a quote taken from Selena, the movie starring Jennifer Lopez. Although Selena wasn’t from San Antonio, she is well-loved here. And most people will agree when you give her props by saying “anything for Selenas.”
The Dome: the Alamodome. This massive arena is located just east of the core downtown area (e.g., “Yes, we are going to see Disney on Ice at the Dome”).
Hemisfair: a park in downtown San Antonio that hosted the World’s Fair in 1968 (e.g., “Sure, let’s have a playdate. Let’s meet in Hemisfair near the splash pad”).
Brack: short for Brackenridge Park, a massive park right by downtown that connects many vibrant attractions like the Zoo, Kiddie Park, the Witte, and more. Also, each Easter weekend, hundreds of families camp out and celebrate. It is a long-standing tradition, and the earlier you go, the better the spot.
Thomas J. Henry: He is a prominent SA lawyer who, together with his modelesque family, throws lavish parties. Like the Kardashians of SA (e.g., “I’m about to go all Thomas J. Henry on this birthday party”).
Disneyland San Antonio: There is a long-running urban legend that Disney has plans to build a theme park here. It is not true. This rumor has been going around for like 30 years. I wish it were true.
JBSA: stands for Joint Base San Antonio. San Antonio is also known as “Military City, USA,” and JBSA includes the military bases Fort Sam Houston, Lackland, and Randolph. Sometimes a public event will be held at JBSA, and I’m like, “Which one?!”
“Hair be on fleek like Sheryl Sculley”: OK, I made this one up. But I had the privilege of working for the soon-to-be-former City Manager for many years, and not once did I see a hair out of place. Flawless.
