Please Touch the China

With the holidays in our line of sight and the endless list of things to do on our brains, it’s not uncommon to overlook a few details now and then. My great aunt used to say the guests “will never know” if a second gravy boat is missing and to always “keep them guessing” as to whether those baked goods were the products of endless days of baking or a last-minute run to the local bakery. My maternal grandmother dressed the most beautiful table at Thanksgiving, complete with artwork and paper turkeys made by yours truly and my older sister. My other grandmother never shied away from the opportunity to allow her only granddaughters to sink our hands and fingers into homemade dough that she must have spent hours preparing so we could have a hand in making her almost famous orange cookies.

Traces of my family’s only grandchildren were everywhere, from the paper place mats and thankful tree on the tables, to the inclusion of small children at what really was an adult table. I like to say that my sister and I were raised by an older, wiser village, because that is the honest to goodness truth—one that didn’t buy into trends or social norms, and most certainly broke the mold when it came to family values and traditions. When decorating for holidays, our hands were included and often needed most of the time. We set hundred-year-old vases out and filled them with freshly cut flowers from the yard and handled ornaments that I am sure were brought over from Ireland a million years prior to that. Our input and aid mattered, which in turn internally motivated us to use that trust for future acts of service. We were permitted to eat from the “good silver.” We were assigned the task of setting a full table, and taught how to do so with missing pieces, on the occasion that great Aunt Hilda swiped yet another pickle fork. Among the lighthearted demeanor and occasional heavy doses of sarcasm, I didn’t fully realize, not to mention appreciate, the confidence and trust the grandmothers and great-aunts in my life bestowed upon me. Strangely enough, we were never discouraged from using the same glassware as the others, but in fact encouraged to please touch the china.

Present day brings a new set of challenges to the shoulders of mothers. We somehow have endless pages of to-dos to conquer and not enough hours to complete them; a job that may take us out of the home for the day as housework and homework wait for us afterward; and the constant fear of being “enough” in a world that likes to tell us that we are not looming over our heads. Despite the fact that kids are out of school for a substantial amount of time prior to a holiday, we find ourselves zooming from one store to the next, almost in a constant state of disarray, for the sheer goal of showing our guests that we do have it all together. We accept the oohs and ahhs when Aunt Trudy notices our pumpkin centerpiece; we secretly high-five ourselves when Uncle Mark dons a double thumbs up at our homemade turkey; and we wipe our brows when the mother-in-law smiles at the way we fold the linen napkins. For a moment in time, we sit back and forget the nightmare that preparing for this day caused. We push aside the countless times we yelled at the little ones to not touch the pumpkins on the table, because you arranged them according to Pinterest and the holiday will absolutely fall apart if your tiger-striped pumpkin does not align with two perfectly plump gourds. I’m here to tell you, hurried mamas of the holidays, that we need to stop adding more anxieties to our list without eliminating other worries. In other words, let the kiddos touch the china.

Those of you in the toddler and infant stages are probably two clicks away from telling me there is no way you would let those buttery baby fingers anywhere near Grandma Edna’s roll plate, and to some degree, I concur. But engage those sweet hands and feet in other ways. Paint those toesies on canvases and use them as place cards and watch the eyes of your budding three-year-old grow wide as Aunt Allie shrieks with excitement over noticing her spot at the table. For my fellow mamas of elementary school-aged children, let me remind you that the possibilities are endless. Most of the time, school projects complete the work for us and send home enough turkeys and pumpkins to decorate multiple rooms. Piggyback on your child’s school and what the kiddos most recently learned to keep their hands and brains busy while you take care of preparations that are not quite child-appropriate. A case in point for our family came in the form of our oldest composing a poem to read to the family while our youngest took pride in decorating the windows with the ever-so-handy window clings that I keep on hand. When it was safe for them to help again, they brought pieces from the table to me for various reasons. They know it takes two hands to carry my Grandma Kay’s serving bowl. They understand how the crystal stemware from Grandma Agnes must be held, and it’s always a family effort to bring their Great-Grandmother Rosalie’s appetizer platter to the kitchen counter.

For you, mamas of teenagers, the world is your oyster. Tell those sweet, pubescent offspring of yours to unplug from their devices and tune into what it means to be together. If you are lucky enough to have items on your holiday table now that were present in your childhood, tell them. Share with them. Warm their hearts with stories of what they consider the “olden days” (hello, ’80s and ’90s) and your remembrance of holidays past. Let them touch the china.

Do I sometimes worry that a piece will slip and shatter to the ground? Yes. Do I hold my breath when they walk ever so carefully holding my family’s namesake line of china? Absolutely. Am I happy to involve my children? You bet. I let the experience of the holiday preparations and incorporation of my own children override the fear of chips and broken glass. I echo the words of my maternal grandmother when I have the urge to pull my kids away from helping or when my concern for “messing something up” arises: “Each crack brings a story. And how lucky are we to have so many.” What a beautiful representation of a glass being half full. I trust if my beloved family members were still with us today, those half-full glasses would be crystal, with small hands lovingly around them.

Kathy
I’m a native Pittsburgher through and through, but transplanted to Texas with my superhero cape to teach elementary school. I am a proud Mama to a spirited girl (2011) and a laid back boy (2014) who keep my days full of laughter, Legos, books, and more stuffed animals than should be allowed. As a stay-at-home Mama, I am constantly yearning for new ways to engage their minds, hands, and bodies with the city and community around them, while stealing a run and a cup of coffee or two. I can be found at the local library for storytime; the park for an afternoon swing; either of their schools to lend a helping hand; and/or the local splash pad to escape the heat. I’m not hard to miss due to the donning of Steelers gear in the fall and Penguins attire in the spring. I welcome and thrive on new conversations, friendships, and methods of rearing little humans. Favorite Restaurant: Paloma Blanca Favorite Landmark: Any of the Missions around San Antonio Favorite San Antonio Tradition: It's a tie between The Texas Cavaliers River Parade and The Battle of Flowers Parade, both occurring during Fiesta. Viva!