I would like to preface this post by saying please do not be offended or try to convince me that I need to start being thankful for the things I am about to list. I am working with my kids to state one thing we are thankful for each day of the month, but Mommy is entitled to drink a little wine and blog about what she wants to blog about. So, without further ado, here are the top 10 things I am NOT thankful for:
1. Body Hair Removal
Does anyone wake up in the morning and say, “I can’t wait to shave under my arms!”? If you do, you are like that really positive guy Phoebe dated on Friends who drove everyone INSANE with his positivity. I don’t care if you wax, shave, laser, or Nair, getting rid of hair is not fun.
2. The Decline of the Handwritten Note
Don’t you miss getting sweet notes in the mail just to say hi? Emails are great, but there was something about a handwritten note, especially when you were young and it was summertime and friends wrote to each other from camp and vacation.
3. Hangovers
Hangovers suck. And the older we get, the worse they are. My kids seem to sense my hangovers. Recently they decided for once in their little lives to all get together and play nicely…only “playing nicely” involved forming their own band, complete with two guitars, a drum, a tambourine, and lots and lots of kid screaming/singing. Kill. Me. Now.
4. Cleaning Up Poop
Anywhere. Anytime. From anyone. Enough said.
5. Online Haters
For some reason, the anonymity of online posts makes people think they can be mean. Quit it! Even emails have gotten bad because I feel like half the time people write things that they would never say face to face. I’m not thankful for this negative side effect of the internet.
6. Animal Rescue Commercials
I mean, have you ever seen anything more depressing than those commercials with the Sarah McLachlan songs playing in the background? I cry every single time.
7. Glitter
How many moms out there like glitter? My kids come home with a project from school that contains glitter. I promptly throw away store said project within five minutes of its entrance into the house, yet somehow the glitter has already infiltrated our home. I will go to a party and have it stuck on my face, and someone will be like, “You have some glitter right there.” Pick, pick, pick. “No, you didn’t get it.” (Pick, pick, pick.) “Still there.” And so on and so forth until I just want to get hammered or leave.
8. Kids Getting Big Enough to Open and/or Use Stuff But Not Properly
Let me explain. My four-year-old can easily open the refrigerator. What he cannot do is remember to close the refrigerator, so usually our food is either questionably warm or his sisters have created “paint” out of mustard, wing sauce, and yogurt. Fun! Repeat this process with bottles of water that are opened and not closed, the toilet being used but not flushed, and pretty much any and all things within his reach that can either make a mess or smell bad.
9. Car Shopping Carts
The person who invented these had WONDERFUL intentions. What he/she did not think about is that once toddlers experience a car cart, they will not stand for a shopping cart that does not have some sort of steering wheel. I have three children, and when I arrive at HEB, CVS, or any other store, I am the crazy lady who drives around the parking lot to find one outside so I don’t have to deal with the inevitable meltdown that will occur should my children not be allowed to “drive” in the store. At Target, we get popcorn because car carts aren’t an option.
10. The Unthankful
In this month of giving thanks and thinking about our blessings, it really bugs me to start focusing on all the things that aren’t going my way when I have so many blessings. Take the time to laugh about the things you aren’t thankful for, because in the process you will remember that the things you are thankful for outnumber them seven times seven. Thanksgiving blessings to you all!
