Alcohol has been a part of my life in some way for as long as I can remember. My father worked in the beer industry, which brought my family to San Antonio in the early 1980s. I have great memories of wandering around the brewery, sometimes on my own, and going to events I probably was too young to attend. I have some not-so-great memories, too. My father was an alcoholic.
Like many people who come from my type of family, “the gene” has been a lingering worry. I’ve over-analyzed my behavior and consumption, made jokes about meetings and not being a “quitter,” and taken stock of my life and liver enzymes as reassurance that everything was/is fine. Therapy is a beautiful thing, but the fear you will become your parent(s) is timeless.
Needless to say, through life’s twists and turns, I kept one proverbial eye open. During a particularly turbulent point last year, two dear friends were walking the path of sobriety and extended invitations to attend a meeting. Life has a funny sense of timing, and this time every obstacle or reason to decline was eliminated until I found myself in a friend’s car one evening headed to my first meeting as an adult.
If you’ve never been to a meeting, there are a few customs and courtesies according to the Newcomer’s Packet:
- Don’t attend under the influence.
- No violence or weapons.
- No inappropriate behavior.
- Don’t get romantically involved with anyone who is a newcomer or does not have at least 30 days sober.
I mention the rules because I didn’t realize they existed and had two glasses of wine before attending. I guess three out of four ain’t bad, but it was the first rule. In hindsight, the rules make sense.
The recovery meeting was similar to any other event, luncheon, or group meeting I’ve attended over the years. When we arrived we signed in at a table near the entrance and found seats, chatting with those around us. Fairly mundane stuff. As the meeting was called to order, I learned that it was Victory Night, a celebration of sobriety milestones. Obviously, this is where the comparison to my last networking mixer or luncheon stops.
As individuals who achieved specific milestones of sobriety were called up and recognized, from 24 hours to many years, I couldn’t help but wonder how their stories were similar to or different from mine.
After the call to order and celebration of victories, guests were asked to introduce themselves. Thankfully it was not a movie moment requiring a march to a microphone in front of strangers. I simply stated my first name and that was it. No microphone, no declarative statement of purpose for attending, and I didn’t even stand.
Newcomers were asked to move to another room, in groups based on motives for attending. As the main group continued their meeting I found myself in a small group of family members of alcoholics/addicts. Our facilitator gave each of us some information regarding the program, and introduced herself. We had the opportunity to introduce ourselves before rejoining the meeting in progress.
There I sat when it was my turn, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. I think I managed to say my name again—I can’t remember. It had been maybe 25 years since my last family meeting, give or take a few, and I was gobsmacked by the moment.
When we came back and joined the main group, I must’ve looked ill because my friend reached out her hand to help me sit down like I was an 80-year-old woman. I can’t tell you what happened during the meeting after that point. I had a moment of situational reflection that was only broken by the meeting’s adjournment. However, I can give you more information from the Newcomer’s Packet, Tips for Success in the Group:
- Be honest.
- Be open minded.
- Be willing.
- Get a sponsor. (A sponsor is like a mentor within the program.)
- Follow the rules.
- Go to meetings.
- Go to counseling sessions.
- Get involved, attend activities.
After my meeting experience, I decided I needed my own personal “Dryanuary”, the 30 day January sobriety challenge to detox from the holidays. I undertook 30 days of sobriety this fall partially to prove that I could, to gain clarity, and remind myself that it is never too late to not become your parent(s). It was just the reset I needed.
Rise Recovery (210.227.2634) has two service centers in San Antonio. Meeting and activity calendars are available at riserecovery.org/calendar
