Holiday Stress-Busters

I am really into Christmas—the music and lights and food and family time. I love the candlelight Christmas Eve service and the sweet nativity play for kids at church. This year I am particularly excited because we are going to have two weeks of unimpeded family time. Rob and I are taking off work and hanging with the boys. We’ll spend the holiday with my parents and New Year”s with our best friends. I really can’t wait. And really—I can’t wait, because there is so much to do!

We haven’t purchased a single Christmas present yet. We don’t have lights up on the house, and our Christmas tree is still in the box. I couldn’t even tell you our schedule for holiday parties and charity events. I haven’t even thought about wrapping paper or baking. We haven’t made plans for our dog. I’m not even sure when we are traveling!

If I wanted, I could get lost in all the stuff that is left to accomplish, but I’m pretty sure that would crush the joy out of Christmas. For me, the holidays are a bit like pregnancy and childbirth: I tend to forget all the difficulties and stresses from the prior season and am (thankfully) left with only the good memories. Some of my favorite Christmas memories include:

• My kids playing “Santa’s helpers” and passing out gifts on Christmas morning.
• Watching the boys play a shepherd and Joseph in the Nativity play at church on Christmas Eve.
• Our once-in-a-lifetime beach vacation with four generations of my family. It’s hard to beat watching your 87-year-old grandmother sit on a pristine beach drinking daiquiris and munching on fries and cookies for lunch!

I tend to forget about:

• The year I spent Christmas Eve in the ER with a severe burn on over 75% of my left arm due to a cooking accident.
• The Thanksgiving that Davis was in the hospital for seven days. (That might have been a few weeks ago, but I’m desperately trying to forget.)
• The time in graduate school when I forgot to pack a winter coat, and the wind chill was -40°F when we stepped off the plane in Michigan!
• The wishbone incident. Patrick may still be traumatized. We don’t bring it up. Ever.

I’ll be truthful—I don’t really forget the harder parts of the holiday seasons, I just prefer to focus on the joyful parts. But the reality is that getting to the joy of Christmas takes a lot of work and planning and coordinating and compromise. Who wouldn’t be stressed out by all of that?!

Check out these Holiday Stress-Busters. Hopefully they will help you let go of the stress.

Skip holiday cards. Don’t do it. Just skip them this year. If you really want to send out cards, choose a less hectic holiday, like Easter or Halloween or the Fourth of July. Your friends and family will be delighted when that beautiful picture of your family arrives unexpectedly in the middle of spring.

Focus on joy. Pick one or two things that you really enjoy about the holidays and do them. If you love baking but hate decorating, skip the decorating. If it is important to someone else in your family, let that person decorate. I like to bake; my mom likes to decorate; and my husband loves the music—so it all gets done, just not all by me!

Reduce shopping. Shop online and ship directly to the recipient. Shop early (this may be too late, this year). Participate in a family gift exchange instead of buying something for everyone. Choose one gift and give it to everyone outside of your immediate family. Give an experience instead of a thing, like a special outing with a child, concert tickets, or a trip. Make a donation to a special charity.

Do less. It’s fun and easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays. There is so much I want to do each year: parties, caroling, volunteering, shopping, traveling, baking, decorating. I enjoy myself more when I limit myself to the most meaningful activities. Since we are driving to my parents’ house for Christmas, we’re skipping the decorations at home this year.

Manage expectations. You don’t have to please everyone. Holidays are especially hard when blending traditions among several families. Be clear about what you can accomplish, and let other people be responsible for the parts of the holiday that really matter to them. I know it isn’t easy, especially when you are wanting to impress your new mother-in-law, but no one will be impressed if you are worn out and not having fun.

Care for yourself. You’re busy this month making sure everyone else has the perfect holiday. Take a break. Get a pedicure. Go to lunch with a friend. Walk. Run. Meditate. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Take an extra long, extra hot bath—with candles!—after the kids are asleep.

Be present. Even if the holidays are joyful for you (once you get past the stressors), remember that for many people it is a very lonely time. People miss loved ones for many reasons: death, physical distance, emotional distance, military service, incarceration, etc. Be present with your friends who grieve this season.

What are your tips for managing holiday stress? Comment below or join on us Instagram and Facebook. #ACMBholidays