We may have started off strong in August and September, but let’s face it: we’re a little bit less ambitious about making sure our kids are on time for school now that the weather has turned colder.
Things happen. Let’s hold our head high and shoot for perfect attendance, but when all else fails, let’s just be honest. Here are some templates to use as you see fit when you send your kids late to school.
Car Issues
To Whom It May Concern:
___________ missed school yesterday, ___________, due to car issues. While loading up all of my screaming children into the car—the younger ones were mad that they had to wake up for the sake of their older sibling—I noticed a smell. The neighbors also noticed the smell. And the dog. My youngest gagged, and next thing I knew, vomit was another smell in the mix. Kids ran from the car while I bravely entered to find a rogue Go-gurt had exploded overnight. I haven’t purchased them since my sugar purge of spring 2018, so it was an angry tube of bacteria that now covered old Goldfish crackers, jackets, and 800 La Croix cans. I was unable to drive the car in this condition.
Sincerely,
____________
Family Trip
To Whom It May Concern:
Please excuse __________ from being absent from ________ to _______. Southwest had significant discounts on flights in the middle of the week, and it would have cost an additional $3000 to travel with the same children (who, incidentally, spent a significant portion of the trip glued to their iPads) for just the weekend. After packing for several kids and paying a buttload for air and hotel, it makes sense for our family’s vacation to last more than two days. We made sure to put learning first, though. The children were able to experience the ecosystem of a state that doesn’t fry you at 107°F in September. They practiced their addition and subtraction when they wanted a $50 Mickey toy but had $5 to spend. We all grew closer as four children and one adult in a double bed is super cozy. Our time together is valued as much as the education you give to our children, so thank you for understanding.
Sincerely,
_____________
A Public Hazard
To Whom It May Concern:
Please excuse __________ from being absent on ________. As you know, the nurse sent him/her home Wednesday with a 24-hour stomach bug. While said child was back at school good as new on Friday, the illness spread. It spread onto every carpeted surface of my home, surrounded all portions of the bathroom except the toilet, and covered all sheets on beds three separate times. Each person in our family was on the receiving end of this stomach bug, staggered 12–24 hours apart to squeeze each and every drop of sanity from me. My husband took eight days off of work to recuperate. And I got it last. It hit me hard, as I haven’t taken a break from the massive laundry pile and was dehydrated to begin with. I fainted twice and couldn’t get off the floor to sip Gatorade, let alone take ___________ to school. My apologies.
Sincerely,
_____________
Mental Health Break
To Whom it May Concern:
Please excuse ___________ from being absent on _______. We were all just done with the societal expectations of functioning beyond eating cereal in PJs and needed a breather. The moon is full, the baby cried all night, then I cried all night, pull-ups leaked, the A/C went out, alarms didn’t go off, we ran out of milk, I stepped on a LEGO, one child spilled nail polish on their homework, a uniform shoe was missing, and…we took a deep breath together and mutually decided to take the day off. He/she caught up on sleep and relaxation and is happy to be back at school!
Sincerely,
________________
FIESTA
To Whom it May Concern:
I know it’s November, but please excuse ___________ from being absent on _______. In an effort to build city pride among my children, we commit to cultural events in the area that may cause some lingering discomfort that Pedialite, Pepto Bismol, and Advil can’t cure. We strongly believe in supporting the art community, and as parade enthusiasts, we feel it’s never too early to start preparing for the perfect wave. _________ strained his/her arm muscles while practicing his/her wave for an hour straight. ________ is now well rested and ready to share his/her technique for others come April. ¡Viva!
Sincerely,
___________
This week! An avalanche of mishaps and tragedies over the last month has left me TIRED. Two days ago, while sleeping on the living room floor with my teething 4mo, my husband comes in:
“Did you sleep any?”
“No.. What time is it?”
“6:15… Want me to get the kids up?”
“Hell no. We’re all gonna be late today.”
And we all slept for another hour and it was GLORIOUS.