Preparing to Let Go: Goals for Moms of Preschoolers

I am one of the lucky ones who was able to leave my job and stay home with my daughter 24/7 after her birth. I’m not here to split hairs about the pros and cons of the stay-at-home mom life, but here is a fact: I have been with her for almost every moment of every day, for five years. That is changing soon, and I’m not ready. I’m freaking out.

Even though my only child hasn’t headed off to school on her own quite yet, many of her friends did in September. Watching those little ones march bravely into Kindergarten got me thinking a lot. It had me imagining dropping off my own little one for the better part of a day, with people I don’t know all too well. All I can say is, HOW?! How do you do it, moms? How do you let them go?

I recently took my daughter to Inflatable Wonderland. Sounds harmless, right? It looks like it, but inside those four walls I had an epiphany. I was sitting at a table looking casual (aka: guarding the only exit) and letting my daughter play on her own. It was crowded. She was one of the younger ones. But in an effort to bottle up my helicopter parent tendencies, I kept my nose in a book and only occasionally looked up to make sure she wasn’t stuck on the top of some inflatable monster. One such moment, I glanced up to see her holding hands with a new friend and skipping across the gym. Her expression told me she was thrilled to have a new companion, and she was busy telling her friend all about herself. I felt jealous. Yeah, jealous. I realized that soon my mini me would be going out and making new friends, having new adventures, and learning and trying new things…and I couldn’t come along. I’m lucky to be a fly on the wall in my daughter’s life for a few more of these moments, even from the sidelines, but not for much longer.

Experiencing “firsts” with my daughter has been some of my happiest memories since her birth. My husband and I sat together, grinning from ear to ear like a couple of goofballs, the day we witnessed our chubby three-year-old squeeze into a ballet leotard and try to balance on her tip toes. It was adorable. We laughed together at her first soccer practice when we acknowledged that sports—or perhaps just running—might not be her thing. We were stupid proud when we watched her hammer out the first few notes on the piano during music class. For five years, I’ve gotten to share every new experience with her, every aspect of her day, and now she will be beginning her own journey. For some reason, that thought and all the emotions brought with it, were just hitting me for the first time, inside Inflatable Wonderland, watching her skip around with a stranger.

Are we really ready for this?! Have I prepared her properly? What kinds of friends will she make? How will she treat people? How will people treat her? Will her teacher be able to handle her strong-willed personality? What will she think about all her new experiences? When she was an infant, I held her in my arms and Kindergarten seemed so distant that I imagined by the time it finally rolled around I’d be more than ready to send her off. She is ready, I think. But I’m not. 

It seems a little unfair to me that I can grow and birth a child who turns out to still be a complete mystery to me. Is it too much to want to share telepathy with our children to know all of their thoughts? How else can I find out how my child is truly doing and feeling, if she still struggles to identify and describe her own emotions?

Maybe telepathy is too much to ask for, but as I look forward, here are my goals:

  • I want to keep the lines of communication open and strong as she moves into the new stage of independence. I want home to be a safe place for her, one she can look forward to returning to every day. I never want to underestimate the importance of play, and give her the space and opportunity to do an activity, or nothing at all as she recoups after school.
  • I want to share my stories with her, and let her know that Mommy has been in many of the same situations she will be in. I made my mistakes, and I will continue to make them, but I want her to know that what you do after you realize you have made a mistake is so much more important. After all, “sharing your stories is a way of showing empathy and building trust with your child.”
  • I want to encourage my daughter to fail. I once read about a family who sat around their dinner table every evening and listed one thing at which they each failed that day. Their father encouraged them to make failures, because as long as they were failing, it meant they were learning, growing, and trying again.
  • I want to never be the first one to let go of a hug. When she needs my embrace, I pledge to stop what I am doing and hold onto her until she’s ready to let go.
  • I want to make it a priority to set aside whatever tasks and stress I have going on in my life when I greet her after school, so that I can be focused and available for her. I admit, this one will probably take the most training on my part. But I know that these seemingly small daily actions will make a large impact on her life.
  • And finally, I want to ask questions that will spark good conversations. Questions for Kids is a website that will send you fun and creative questions to ask your child every day. You simply give them a phone number to text the questions to. I think this is a great way to gain insight on how my child is feeling each day.

Even the anticipation of those “drop-off days,” brings moisture to my eyes. Moms who are soaking up every “first” during this last year of preschool with your little ones, I am right there with you. I hope that by starting some of these habits now, the transitions into each new phase of independence might run a little bit smoother.

Experienced moms, how do you maintain your closeness with your children while fostering their independence? I’d love to read any tips you might have!

Anna
I was born and raised in Houston, but I got to S.A. as fast as I could. I'm staying here for the tacos, the parades, the hill country, and the caring people. This city only has cedar fever to keep us from being too perfect. I'm momma to a strong willed girl, an adventure loving boy, and a rescue mutt. Wifey to a man working in the oil field. Don't mistake me for Laura Ingalls, but I do love homeschooling, baking, candle making, nature exploring, coffee sipping, and photo taking. Favorite Restaurant: Bird Bakery (cake and pies, duh!) Favorite Landmark: Hemisfair Park Favorite San Antonio Tradition: Cascarones

2 COMMENTS

  1. HI Deb!
    I’m both glad & sad at the same time that I am not the only one who feels this way! It’s so tough to make these big transitions! I mean, I love my personal space..but I also just want to hold my baby close for forever.

    I am the same way, I LOVE getting photo updates form my hubby or my babysitter!
    I hope her transition into preschool goes smoothly for both of you.

    p.s. Michael’s & Joanne’s sounds like my kind of party!

  2. Agh, the emotion! I was just thinking about this the other day, since we’re counting down the last year before my daughter starts preschool. You really hit the nail on the head – I’ve been there for every first, every experience at all, really, and it pains me to imagine missing new things. Even when I was out with my sister-in-law a few nights ago (at Michael’s and Joanne’s, because we’re party animals!), I wanted to know what she and daddy were up to, wanted pictures of her smiling face. Thanks so much for sharing! It’s good to know I’m not alone. 🙂

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