It’s that time of year again! 4th of July has passed, but it’s a bit too soon to get into the Fall/Halloween decor — and still pretty hot outside! That can only mean one thing: it’s time to head Back to School.
I’m going to cut right to it: there is one thing that will not be on the school supply list. You will not be able to find it at any store, or online. It is the most important thing your child(ren) will need for this upcoming school year, and is only 3 letters long. Can you guess it?
Drum roll please…..
It’s YOU!
*Nervous laugh* OK, so, it’s not a big deal.
But in all seriousness: you are a big deal for your child(ren)!
This school year I’ll have a Kindergartener, 3rd Grader, 5th Grader and 7th Grader. In other words, a whole bunch of different ages and stages of school age kids. I’m getting myself prepared now so I am able to be there (in other words, emotionally and physically present) to help them when they need me. My only advice for prepping for all the stuff that you need to buy for the school year if you have multiple children is to tackle one kid at a time. It is so overwhelming to make sure you have everything on the list and then multiply that by 2 or 3 or 4 … it’s too much. Take it slow. It’s not a race, so take your time. You got this!
The number one thing that I’ve found that has helped the most to prepare for a new school year is talking about school. My older kids have groaned and ran off screaming “I don’t want to talk about school during the summer” but my soon to be Kindergartener has been all ears! I feel that talking about school helps them understand what will go on during the day at school and then also back at home. We have days that go back and forth between “I’m so excited for school” to “I’m not sure how I feel. I think I will miss you too much” *tears* I do feel that by having these conversations, and having the moments of connection that they create — even if you are doing other tasks like driving or cooking dinner — can be helpful for both your child and for you.
Since my oldest started kindergarten we’ve always done lunchbox notes. I feel it’s a nice way to let them know I’m thinking about them during the day. Sometimes they are in the form of pictures (especially for new readers) or countdowns like “1 more day until Friday!” or my favorite seasonal jokes. I am not the most creative person when it comes to jokes, but I’m thankful that a quick Google search can help me find things like “Halloween Jokes for Kids.” I recently found a whole drawer full of old lunch box notes, and the memories just flowed on back. I will write my notes on sticky notes and tuck them in their lunch box. I know there are lots of great options online that you can print and cut out if time is precious.
Another way I’ve found that helps me reconnect with my kids when I pick them up from school is to ask open ended questions. Try not to ask “how was your day?” — instead, ask questions that help and encourage them to talk more! Example questions include:
- “What made you laugh today?”
- “Did anything make you feel upset or angry today?”
- “Tell me something cool you learned today”
- “How did you feel on the science test? Did they ask you anything specific on the butterfly life cycle?”
- “What did you do during Recess today?”
Here is a link with 25 more questions to ask your child after school, if you feel like you’re in danger of rotating the same questions each week!
Something that may seem like a controversial suggestion is that your kids do not need a full schedule of activities. They really do not need the private piano lessons, club soccer, and karate classes. Of course I’m not saying extracurricular activities are bad. There are lots of great benefits for kids and families to be involved in activities outside of school hours. But there also needs to be a balance for kids — and for you, too. Some activities can be super costly, which can be a heavy burden for some families. Not to mention, it takes up some of our most precious commodity: our time, especially our time together with our kids.
It is absolutely, 100% OK to say no.
My biggest parenting “a-ha!” moment came when I realized that I wanted to be the kind of person I would have wanted to be my parent when I was younger. I didn’t want to be scolded to do my homework, I wanted someone to sit with me while I did my homework. Someone to be there if I had any questions, or got stuck with something. I wanted someone to be genuinely interested in my day and what had happened while I was out of the house. I wanted someone to share in my proud moments, like completing an art project that was challenging, or getting a 100 on a test. I also wanted someone to comfort me when I got a lower than expected grade on an important test, or when someone had said something unkind during the school day. Shifting our mindset on how we parent our school age children can provide us with the best opportunity to raise, support, and empower our children to be everything we hope they can be.
I know that many of us carry childhood trauma with us. I also know that our kids’ behavior can trigger that suppressed or previously felt (and perhaps even healed) trauma. In particular, as our children get older we can relate more acutely to the way they feel, because our memory of feeling that way still feels quite fresh (and maybe even raw). It can feel super heavy at times, especially when processing our childhood is just one thing among all the other life commitments we are working on. I get it. It is a lot. But I do also know that by being there for my kids, I heal my inner child — in both the big and small moments. It makes all the work worth it. I am worth it. My kids are worth it.
Here is an article that can help you dive a little deeper into what is going on if you notice that your child(ren) are not feeling excited about going back to school — or if those first few days/weeks are challenging.
Please know also that, as you enter this Back to School time, you do not need to get your kids that super fancy backpack. They don’t need super expensive shoes, the latest cup, or an outrageously priced lunchbox. They definitely don’t need a whole new wardrobe. Our kids just need us. As simple as it sounds, it’s true.
If you are looking for more Back to School info check out this “Back to School: Supplied” article here.
 will need... Can you guess it?){kind=link}