Decisions, Decisions: Preparing for a Baby

I am not a quick decision maker.  Before making any major decisions (“major” defined by me as anything from buying a new TV to switching makeup or shampoo brands), I research product info and reviews from multiple sources for several days.  I admit that I walk a fine line between being a well-informed consumer and slightly OCD.  So imagine my stress level when it comes to making decisions about all things baby!  I’m afraid I’ve developed a bad case of “the shoulds“.

the shoulds

It seems as though as soon as I get one big decision made and crossed off the list, something else sneaks up on me.  Some of these decisions are very important: which doctor and hospital to use, bottle or breastfeeding, the safest strollers and car seats.  These decisions require time for careful consideration…others, not so much.  For instance, not too long ago hubby kindly but firmly took the laptop away from me and sent me to bed when he found me crying because I couldn’t choose baby bedding.  I realize that our baby really doesn’t care what the sheets she sleeps on look like, but in my mind the inability to make this minor decision equaled many other mommy shortcomings.  I blame it on the hormones.

Something that’s made decision making even harder for me when it comes to preparing for our baby girl is the feeling that I should be doing this or that.  Of course I want to make the best decisions for my baby, but how do I know what’s best?  Beyond my usual research, I ask the experts: veteran moms who happily share their collective wisdom on baby things big and small.  One of the biggest decisions hovering around right now is which type of diapers to use.  I feel like I should choose cloth diapers because several trusted mommy-friends use them and rave about the advantages and how wonderful they are.  So does that make me a bad mom if I choose to use disposable diapers instead?  Maybe I should buy a certain car seat/stroller (even though I really like another better) because a friend recommended it .  Perhaps I should reconsider using a midwife (even though I love my OB) because I keep hearing such wonderful things from someone who used one.  I feel pressured to make the same choices that other successful mommies have made because, after all, I’m new at this!  But what happens when my experts disagree, particularly the ones I trust the most?  Or what if our situations are different?

I’m slowly coming to understand that hubby and I have to make decisions that are best for OUR baby.  Our family is not like any other family, so while I value the advice of experienced moms, I have to remember that what worked for them may not work for us.  New moms: if you’ve been feeling like you should do something a certain way but just aren’t sure, try to calm “the shoulds” by considering these questions.

Does it make a big difference for baby?  Feeding methods matter a lot.  Paint color in the nursery doesn’t.  Save your mega brain power for the important decisions.

Does it work for your family?  Cloth diapers are a great product, but I’m not sure how practical they are for a working mom with baby in day care five days a week.  Plus, I know diapers are gross no matter what, so do we really need to make it worse by increasing contact with the mess?  Do what works for YOU and don’t feel guilty about it.

What does your gut tell you?  Maybe your best friend has had all three of her kids in this one daycare and she can’t stop talking about how wonderful it is.  But when you visited, something just didn’t seem quite right about it.  Go with your instincts.  It’s okay to do something differently!

I know I’m not alone in feeling pressure from a bad case of “the shoulds” as a mom.  Honestly, I have wonderful friends and family who gladly offer advice when asked but will be genuinely supportive even if I go a different way.  I admit that most of my pressure is self-inflicted because I want everything to be absolutely perfect when our baby girl arrives.

How did you or are you dealing with the pressure of “the shoulds” when making big decisions planning for baby?[hr]

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Katie
Katie shares her passion for reading and learning as an elementary school librarian. She is a San Antonio transplant who loves traveling, reading, and encouraging her hubby’s new-found talents in BBQ. Her favorite time of year is a toss-up between summer for traveling and fall for college football (Roll Tide!). After six wonderful years of marriage, Katie and Jason welcomed their daughter in December of 2013! Although the journey to motherhood hasn’t been an easy one, she is thankful for the lessons in how important her faith, family, and friends truly are in life.

2 COMMENTS

  1. One thing I’ve learned after six kids is that I’m only an expert in my situation. Every child in my family is unique, so I’m not going to pretend to be an expert outside of my home. That being said, you learn pretty quickly what doesn’t matter for you. I researched breast pumps like crazy, bought a pump when I was pregnant with my first, and I never pumped ever!

  2. Sounds like you hit the nail on the head when you said, “follow your instincts…” Your gut along with experience will get you through being a good parent. My advice on the daycare front (if you choose to go that route) is find a place you absolutely feel 100% confident in. Even if it is slightly more each month, I single handedly believe being confident in your newborn’s care everyday is the only way a working mom can happily return to work and be focused. Also expect the first week, when you drop her off, to be hard on you and her. With more stimulus during the day, it will take time for her be able to sleep well there. Give it time as it will get easier each day and week.

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